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The Creative Campfire Handbook

 

SKITS

Rowing

CAST: A Speaker, 4 or more fishermen.
PROPS: A plastic or cardboard sheet, if desired.
SETUP: A speaker is starting what looks like the introduction to another skit or part of the program when this skit begins. Four or more people sneak up behind the speaker and set sets of plastic or cardboard (chairs on hard floor) down so that "the speaker can't see them." They then begin to go through the motions of casting a line and reeling it in. After the audience is watching what the group is doing a while, then the "speaker" looks over.

Speaker: "What are you doing?"

Fishermen: "We're fishing!"

[fishermen go back to their motions and the speaker resumes talking. After a short time the speaker looks over again.]

Speaker: "But you can't fish here!"

Fishermen: "Why not?"

Speaker: "Because there's no water here!"

Fishermen: "Oh, well, they weren't biting anyway!"

[The fishermen then turn their chairs so that they are lined up in a single line, facing in the same direction. They go through the motions of putting their gear away, and then, acting as if they are rowing a boat, slide their chairs backwards across the stage.]

It worked well in a gymnasium and at the hall where we showed it to the leaders at roundtable. Perhaps the fishermen could sit on plastic garbage bags, or pieces of plastic sheet such as that which is used for ground cloths and simply scoot across the ground when it is time to "row" away.

The Medicrin
 
CAST: A narrator, a Hero, a Medicrin, a Loon, and assorted villagers. The narrator should have a loud, clear voice. There should be at least three villagers, but the more, the merrier (up to ten).
PROPS: none
SETUP: The narrator should read the story, and the characters should act out the parts. No props need be used, and only the narrator should speak.

The narrator should read the story slowly and dramatically. Purely from the spoken point of view, the only humor in the entire story is the final punch-line. However, minor slapstick should be employed by the actors.

The Medicrin as recorded by Wayne McCullough (original Author unknown)

There once was a medieval village named Trinsic. This village was being terrorized by a vile monster, the Medicrin. Each night, the Medicrin would stalk down from the hills, and devour one of the villagers.

The terrified villagers called a meeting, and decided to pool their money together to hire the great hero Erik.

<fanfare>

Erik came and listened to the complaints of the villagers. He consulted his Great Hero's Book of Vile Monsters, and learned that Medicrins love to eat Loons.

So Erik hunted high and low to find a loon. He found one, captured it, tied it up, and brought it back to the village. He then had the villagers dig a deep pit. Erik threw the loon into the pit, hoping to capture the Medicrin, and slay it.

That night, the Medicrin came...

It smelled the loon...

But it also smelled DANGER, and it ran off, devouring one of the villagers on the way out.

After calming the villagers, the next day, Erik again consulted his Great Hero's Book of Vile Monsters, and learned that Medicrins also love sugar.

So Erik gathered up all of the sugar in the village, and threw it into the pit. The loon, not having eaten in days, devoured all of the sugar in a single gulp. Erik was struck with panic, and ran to and fro trying to figure out what to do next, but night had fallen, and the Medicrin would be there soon, so Erik crossed his fingers, and hoped for the best.

That night, the Medicrin came...

It smelled the loon...

It smelled danger...

But it also smelled the sugar, and the Medicrin dived into the pit, and devoured the loon. The villagers swarmed over the Medicrin, and slew it.

The moral of the story:

"A loon full of sugar helps the Medicrin go down."

 

The Magic Doctor's Chair

CAST: 1 doctor and four patients
PROPS: two chairs
SETUP: Scene begins with doctor sitting on one of the chairs. First patient enters twitching their left arm.

Doctor: 'And what's wrong with you sir?'

Patient 1: 'As you can see doctor I have this terrible twitch'

Doctor: 'Just sit on my magic chair and you'll get better'

[The patient sits on the chair and stops twitching, but the doctor's left arm starts twitching.]

Patient 1: 'Oh thank you doctor. you cured me'

[The patient leaves, the doctor still twitching calls for the next patient.]

Doctor: 'Next...... And what's wrong with you sir?'

Patient 2: 'Oh doctor, I have a awful case of the hiccups."

[The process of sitting in the chair is repeated. The doctor now has a twitch and the hiccups.

[The third patient is called in, both his legs keep flicking in the air. The process is again repeated so that the doctor now has a twitching arm the hiccups and both legs flicking in the air.]

[The doctor now calls patient four. This patient looks quite normal, enters and sits in the magic chair.]

Doctor: 'And what may I ask is wrong with you sir?'

Patient 4: 'I've got a terrible case of the trots doctor!'

[The doctor runs off the stage holding his stomach.]

Note: Trots is English slang for can't stop going to the toilet.

 

Three Scout Leaders

CAST: 3 Scouters
PROPS: stools, if desired.
SETUP: The scene is that three scout leaders are sitting around the campfire swapping yarns, after having had a little too much of the amber nectar to drink.

Note: This skit is adapted from the "We were poor" sketch from "Monty Python live at City Center" -- Danny

1st Leader: These scouts today don't know they're born. I can remember the scout hut that we had. There was a hole in the roof, which let the water in when it were raining.

2nd Leader: A roof with a hole in it, that were luxury. We had an old tarpaulin sheet slung over the rafters. Us older lads had to hang onto it during the meetings, case it blew away in the wind.

3rd Leader: Rafters, now there's a luxury. When I was a scout our hut had no roof at all, and we kept out the rain with some old bits of sack, held up with twigs.

1st Leader: We couldn't get twigs. We had to hold the roof up with our bare hands. Those were the days.

2nd Leader: I remember when us lads used to go to camp. We loaded all our gear onto an old army truck and drove to the campsite singing songs.

3rd Leader: We had no time for singing. We used to pull all our gear along on an old cart with wooden wheels. And the wheels used to get bogged down in the mud.

1st Leader: A cart with wheels, now that's what I call a luxury. We just had an old cardboard box to put all our camping gear in, and when it rained all our gear would get soaking wet, and fall into the mud, but we were happy.

2nd Leader: Yes, those were the days.

3rd Leader: We had some nice tents though, big green six manners.

1st Leader: Six manners, luxury, our tents were so small, you had to sleep sitting up.

2nd Leader: We didn't have any tents at all in my troop. We used to curl up in a hole that we'd dug in the ground, but we were happy.

3rd Leader: We couldn't afford a hole in the ground, we used to sleep in a puddle.

1st Leader: Yes these youngsters today don't know they're born, but if you told them all these things they would never believed you.

 

The Submarine Captain

CAST: 5 - 8 Scouts, as desired.
PROPS: fake knife.
SETUP: Line of submarine officers on a submarine during W.W.II. Captain sights a ship in the periscope

Captain: 'Tanker bearing 259, Range 1 mile'

[He yells this to the first mate, who in turn tells second mate, down the line until finally the torpedo operator is told. The torpedo operator just shrugs his shoulders.]

Captain: 'Load main tube # 1 and stand by to fire.'

[He yells this to the first mate, who in turn tells second mate, down the line until finally the torpedo operator is told.]

Torpedo Op: 'I don't know How.'

[Next the captain gives the order to fire down the line, but the TORPEDO OPERATOR says...]

Torpedo Op: "I don't know How."

[This message is returned up the line to the Captain who SCREAMS.]

Captain: "Press the red button."

[When this message finally gets down to the TORPEDO OPERATOR. He follows it, but it took too long so they miss the ship.]

[This may is repeated for about three ships, each time the TORPEDO OPERATOR doesn't remember how to fire. The Captain finally feels disgraced and pulls out a knife and commits Sepuku, or incorrectly, Hari Keri. Each officer in turn picks up the knife and follows the Captains example until at last the knife comes to the Torpedo Officer Who looks at the knife...]

Torpedo Op: 'I don't Know How..."

 

The Nurses

CAST: 3
PROPS: pole, clipboard, pencil, broom
SETUP: The scene is an emergency room at a hospital.

The admissions person is totally self absorbed, combing hair, looking in mirror, checking nails, etc. A guy runs in, a skier with a pole stuck in his stomach (a branch could be used also for a hiker). He is screaming in agony.

The nurse insists that she must ask him some questions before anything can be done. The patient screams that he is losing blood. The nurse continues asking questions such as where he lives, past illnesses, type of house, how he got there etc. A phone rings and the person is invited out to lunch. He runs off leaving the wounded man writhing on the floor.

A janitor with a broom wanders by and pulls the pole out. The patient stands up, says thanks and leaves.

 

 

Is It Time Yet?

CAST: 5 - 8 Scouts, as desired.
PROPS: none
SETUP: Line of Scouts standing with left foot crossed over right, right arm crossed over left.

1st Scout: "IS IT TIME YET?"

[Second Scout asks third, etc. down the line.]

Last Scout: "NO"

[Word is passed back to the first Scout, one Scout at a time. After a long pause...]

1st Scout: "IS IT TIME YET?"

[It goes down the line as before.]

Last Scout: "NO"

[Again and the word is passed back. Another long pause...]

1st Scout: "IS IT TIME YET?"

[etc. and,]

Last Scout: "YES"

[The answer is passed back. Just after the first Scout gets the word, they all change to right foot over left and left arm over right.]

 

Raisin Skit

CAST: 4 Scouts
PROPS: none
SETUP: 1st Scout comes out, gets down on all fours, pretends to be a table. 2nd Scout enters and looks at the table.

2nd Scout: "Ahh, a fly, I think I'll pull it's wings off.

[Proceeds to pick it up, pluck the wings, put it back on the table, and walks off. 3rd Scout comes out and looks at the fly on the table.]

3rd Scout: "Oh, a fly with no wings, I think I'll pull it's legs off."

[With great precision and animation, picks up the fly, removes it's legs, and puts it back and walks off. 4th Scout comes out and looks at the fly.]

4th Scout: "Say, a fly with no wings or legs. I think I'll pull it's head off."

[Then proceeds as the other Scouts before him. Last Scout comes out looks at the table, then carefully inspects the object without picking it up and says very quickly.]

Last Scout: "A raisin!"

[Quickly picks it up and puts it in his mouth.]
 
 
 

Patience, Jackass, Patience!
 
 

CAST: 3; Narrator, Mule Driver, and Mule.
PROPS: none
SETUP: Two scouts enter, the driver and the mule on all fours, and move across stage as the skit proceeds. A narrator stands just offstage. You can ham this up a bit, but here's the jist of it.

Narrator: "In the heat of the Mojave Desert, the mule driver pushes his beast toward town. The first day..."

Mule: "Water, master, water!"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"

Narrator: "Still they drive on relentlessly. The second day..."

Mule: "Water, master, water!"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"

Narrator: "Without mercy, they push to their goal. The third day..."

Mule: "Water, master, water!"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"

Narrator: "Still far from town, they go on. The fifth day..."

Offstage: "What happened to the fourth day?"

Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"

Lunch Break

 

CAST: 2 workers, announcer.
PROPS: Lunch bags or pails.
SETUP: 2 workers at a construction site at lunch time. Workers enter with lunches and sit down together.

Announcer: We see here a construction site. It is now lunch time, and two friends are about to eat.

Worker 1: (Opens lunch bag and looks very disgusted)
Yechhhh!! Egg salad sandwiches again!

Worker 2: Look, if you hate them that bad, I'll swap with you.
(Both pretend to eat, then exit.)

Announcer: The next day.

Worker 1: (Enters with Worker 2, opens lunch bag and looks very disgusted)
Yechhhh!!! Egg salad sandwiches again!

Worker 2: O.K... I'll trade with you again.
(Both pretend to eat, then exit.)

Announcer: The next day.

Worker 1: (Enters with Worker 2, opens lunch bag and looks very disgusted)
Yechhh!! Egg salad sandwiches again!

Worker 2: (Angrily) Look, if you don't like egg salad sandwiches, why don't you ask your (wife/mom/significant other) to make something else?

Worker 1: My (wife/mom/significant other)?? She's got nothing to do with it. I make my own sandwiches!
 

Mixed Body Acting

CAST: 4
PROPS: sheet or blanket, large shirt or jacket, various objects such as bowl with food, comb, shoes,
SETUP:

Fasten a shirt backwards around the first person's neck, leaving the sleeves empty. Have a second person stand behind the first and put his arms through the shirt sleeves. A sheet is held by two others behind the head of the first person, hiding the second person. The second person tries to do various ordinary acts such eating from a bowl, tying shoes, cooking and cracking eggs (on the narrator as one possibility) etc.
 

New Saw

CAST: Lumberjack, store owner, announcer.
PROPS: Chain saw (fake or pretend)
SETUP: Owner is in his hardware store in a small north woods lumber town.

Announcer: This scene takes place in a hardware store in a small north woods lumber town.

Lumberjack: (Enters)
My old crosscut saw is worn out, and I need something that will let me cut more wood, or I'm going to go broke!

Owner: Yes, sir! For only one hundred bucks you can be the proud owner of this chain saw. I guarantee that it will cut twice as much wood in a day as your own crosscut.

Lumberjack: (Handing over money)
O.K. great!
(Exits)

Announcer: The next day.

Lumberjack: (Enters tiredly)
There's something wrong with this saw. I worked very hard yesterday, and only cut half as much wood.

Owner: Well, sir, I have a lot of faith in this product. Here, I'll put a new chain on it and you give it another try.

Lumberjack: O.K., but if it doesn't do any better, I'll be back!
(Exits)

Announcer: The next day.

Lumberjack: (Enters exhausted)
This darned saw is no good. I worked even harder, and still it won't cut half the wood of my old saw! I want my money back!

Owner : Yes, sir! Just let me check it out here.
(Pulls starter rope)

Announcer: (Makes sound effects of saw running.)

Lumberjack: Oh, my gosh! What on earth is all that noise?
 

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Someone Chanted Evening

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CAST: Friar, Brother Daniel, 2-3 or more monks.
PROPS: Blankets and rope to make Monk's Cassock.
SETUP: Monks are lined up in a block, as if in church pews, looking somber.

Friar: Good morning, everyone.

Monks: Good morning, Friar.

Friar: For our morning prayers today, we are going to practice chanting. All together now, repeat after me -
(Chanting)
Morning, morning, mor-or-ning.

Monks: (Rather raggedly)
Morning, morning, mor-or-ning.

Friar: Not bad, but we need to get more feeling and rhythm into it. Let's try again.
 

[A couple more attempts are made, each one better, then on the third try it sounds excellent, but one Monk chants loud and clear, "Ev-en-ning".]

Friar: Cut, Cut! What was that?

Br. Daniel: What's wrong, Friar? I thought it sounded good.

Friar: (Breaking into song)
Someone Chanted Evening!
 

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St. Peter

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CAST: 4, announcer
PROPS:
SETUP: St. Peter is at the Pearly Gates, looking saintly, greeting new arrivals.

Announcer: Here we see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

Ian: (Walks up to St. Peter)
Hello, St. Peter. I see I've come to Heaven.

St. Peter: Well, you're not in yet! First you've got to tell me how you suffered on Earth.

Ian: Well, I spent a week eating Camp <camp_name> food.

St. Peter: I'm sorry, you haven't suffered enough.
(Ian exits dejectedly.)

Doug: (Enters)
Hi, I'm here to get into Heaven.

St. Peter: Fine, fine. And how have you suffered?

Doug: I went on a long hike and got blisters all over my feet, and fell into poison ivy.

St. Peter: Sorry. That's not enough suffering to get into Heaven.
(Doug exits)

Brad : (Enters)
Can I get into Heaven?

St. Peter: How did you suffer?

Brad : I'm in (Pick someone who can take a joke) (troop/pack/class, etc.)

St. Peter: Well, then, you've suffered plenty! Come on in!!
 

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Crazy News Flashes

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CAST: 2 or 3 news announcers
PROPS: Can stand or sit on stools.
SETUP: News announcers alternate reading news stories. Alternately, may be done as individual walk-ons between skits and songs.

Today, Lady Blenkinsop Smythe, laid a foundation stone. Both are said to be doing well, and resting comfortably.

A lorry (truck) load of artificial hair has just overturned on the motorway. The police are combing the countryside.

This afternoon, two girl scouts, went for a tramp in the woods. The tramp got away.

A hundred dollar bill has just been found on the campsite. Will the owner please form an orderly queue outside the mess tent to claim it.

Doctors have just discovered, that people with hairs starting to grow on the palms of their hands are going mad. (PAUSE.) They also tell us that people looking for hairs on the palms of their hands are already mad.

Today thieves broke into the local police station and stole fifty pairs of trousers. The police are looking pretty silly.

Yesterday a chicken swallowed a YoYo. It laid the same egg seventy-five times.

Here is a late railway announcement. The train now arriving at platforms 5, 6, 7 and 8 is coming in sideways.

Will the man who has just left the train standing on platform 5. Please come and collect it as we have enough of our own.

The wind was blowing so hard yesterday that a chicken laid the same egg 5 times.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators for 3 hours.

A rabbit was spotted in the woods yesterday, standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

Today a boy scout slipped on the ice and hurt his ankle. A little old lady had to help him across the street.

A 747 airplane recently crashed in a cemetery. Government officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies.

<name> announced his new invention today. It's a solar-powered flashlight.

Congress announced we're giving the Lower Slabovians 10,000 septic tanks. As soon as they learn to drive them they're going to invade Russia.

The Crew of the next space shuttle will be monitoring about 25 milk cows up in space to see how they react to no gravity. It will be "The first herd shot round the world.."

It was reported today that <name> died today raking leaves, when he fell out of the tree.

Sadly, <name> died today while drinking milk. The cow fell on him.
 

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The Trees

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CAST: 1 Narrator, 5 or more trees, 1 volunteer
PROPS: none
SETUP: All the boys except one lined up facing the audience, spaced at least three feet apart. The remaining boy is the narrator. An adult "volunteer" is selected. He is instructed to stand off to the side until he hears the word 'spring'. That is his que to start running between the trees for a few minutes.

Narrator: The scouts here are trees during the summer. Their branches are strong and sturdy, and they are full of leaves providing shade to the forest animals.

[While the narrator is talking, the "trees" raise their arms and mime what the narrator is saying.]

Narrator: A tree in the fall prepares for the coming winter, and begins to lose its leaves. It provides food for the forest creatures for the coming lean winter months.

[The "trees" should begin to sag their branches].

Narrator: A tree in the winter time, with the wind howling through their bare limbs. No sign of life shows in the shaking limbs.

[Someone can supply the sound effects if you desire, and the boys should be moving like their is a large gust of wind pushing them around.]

Narrator: But finally 'spring' arrives, bringing with it the renewal of the forest trees. First new buds appear, and then the fresh, green leaves burst forth, renewing the promise of life in the forest...

[As you say the word spring, the volunteer moves quickly between the trees several times. You will finish the skit by saying...]

Narrator: "... and notice how quickly the SAP runs through the trees."

This skit can be as long or as short as you want to make it. As each season is discussed in as great as detail as you want. The trees should be mimicking what the narrator is saying. Make sure the narrator places emphasis on the word sap, so the audience reacts quickly to the gag.
 

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We're Going On Safari

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CAST: open
PROPS: gorilla, lion, etc. costume.
SETUP: This is an action chant, which can be performed by as many scouts as you wish. It can be made into something really good, by dressing up in safari gear and carrying rifles.

1st Scout: We're going on safari.

ALL: We're going on safari.

1st Scout: We're gonna catch a big one.

ALL: We're gonna catch a big one.

1st Scout: Ooh look a snake.

ALL: Ooh look a snake.

1st Scout: Hiss, hiss.

ALL: Hiss, hiss.

2nd Scout: We're going on safari.

ALL: We're going on safari.

2nd Scout: We're gonna catch a big one.

ALL: We're gonna catch a big one.

2nd Scout : Ooh look a crocodile.

ALL: Ooh look a crocodile.

2nd Scout: Snap, snap.

ALL: Snap, snap.

1st Scout: Hiss, hiss.

ALL: Hiss, hiss.

3rd Scout: We're going on safari.

ALL: We're going on safari.

3rd Scout: We're gonna catch a big one.

ALL: We're gonna catch a big one.

3rd Scout: Ooh look a panther.

ALL: Ooh look a panther.

3rd Scout: Poof, poof.

ALL: POOF, POOF.......Why on Earth poof poof?

3rd Scout: Well, he was pink!

2nd Scout: Snap, snap.

ALL: Snap, snap.

1st Scout: Hiss, hiss.

ALL: Hiss, hiss.

And So On.

[To finish you can have someone dressed in a gorilla suit. The last scout starts to sing 'Ooh look a gorilla', then all the others see the gorilla as he comes on stage and chases them all off screaming].
 

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Reporter Looking For A Story

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CAST: 4, or more
PROPS: none
SETUP: A long bench or the edge of a (low) stage is a bridge. One person is standing on it, swaying and saying

1st Person: "Ready... Set..."

[The second person enters and comes up to him.]

2nd Person: "what are you doing up there?"

1st Person: "I'm really depressed because I just lost my job, so I'm going to jump and end it all."

2nd Person: "Wait, I'll join you. My wife just left me and I don't want to live without her."

[The 2nd Person gets up on 'bridge' and prepares to jump]

Together: "Ready... Set..."

[3rd Person enters]

3rd Person: "What's going on"

1st Person: "I'm really depressed because I just lost my job, so I'm going to jump and end it all."

2nd Person: "My wife just left me and I don't want to live without her, so I'm going to jump and end it all."

3rd Person: "Wait, I'll join you. My house burned down and I don't have anyplace to live."

Together: "Ready... Set..."

[This can go on as long as you can think of reasons to jump. The last person to join them enters...]

Reporter: "I'm a reporter and I have to find a story by 5:00 or I'll be fired. It's almost 5 now, and the whole city is so quiet that I'll never make it."

[He joins the line of people]

Together: "Ready... Set... JUMP!"

[Everyone jumps off the bridge, except the reporter, who walks away writing on his notepad...]

Reporter: "What a story: (# of people) jump off the (local name) Bridge!"
 

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Contagious Disease Ward

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CAST: 4-5
PROPS: stuffing for pregnant women, seats
SETUP: The scene takes place in the waiting room of a doctor of contagious and communicable diseases, Dr. Ringworm, M.D., l.s.d., v.i.p., l.c.b. Have four chairs and a stand for magazines or books.

In walks a fellow (a) with an itch which he scratches periodically in different places. He grabs a magazine and attempts to read but is disturbed periodically by his itch. After a while , a second fellow (B) comes in with a serious hand twitch. B sits next to A. B gradually starts to scratch with the itch, while A's hand starts to twitch. When it has been well established that they have contracted each others' disease, a third person enters with a serious leg twitch. Pretty soon all three have the hand twitch, leg twitch, and itch all over. a fourth guy comes in bouncing all over the place and shaking every muscle in his body. The actions of the four guys become more frantic and are bouncing around in their chairs. Then a boy dressed like a pregnant lady strolls in casually and the other four scramble for their lives.
 

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Elevated Gum

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CAST: 3-4
PROPS: none
SETUP:

A boy enters chewing gum, walks around looking all over, finally sticks gum on the (imaginary) wall. A kid listening to rock & roll on his portable stereo, dances in, leans on wall, hands sticks to gum. Tries hard to pull hand off the wall. The kid looks at the gum, stretches it, picks his nose, sneezes, etc.; all getting on the gum. Throws the gum back at the wall where it sticks. Dum, spacey, jock stereotype enter the elevator, leans on the back wall and the gum gets stuck to the following places: first head and wall, then head and hand, both hands, foot and both hands, both feet and hands, hands, knees, and hand to face. He finally gets free and sticks gum back on wall. First boy re-enters the scene after the Jock leaves, sees the gum and decides to chew it again; then leaves.
 

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Flea

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CAST: 4-5 boys
PROPS: none
SETUP: Several boys are standing in a line, waiting.

[First boy scratches, then second, and so on down the line. Last boy feels it, digs around in his clothes.]

Boy: "Oh, there you are Marvin! I've been looking all over for you. You've got to stop hopping around, Marvin."
(boy acts as though Marvin has hopped away)

Boy: "You come back here, Marvin."
(goes out into audience looking and touching people, finds something on someone.)

Boy: "There you are Marvin, you've got to stay here."
(looks at pretend speck)

Boy: "Hey you aren't Marvin!"
(puts it back into the audience)

Boy: "Oh, Marvin, where are you?"
 

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The Firing Squad

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CAST: 4-firing squad; leader; 3-4 prisoners
PROPS: sticks for rifles
SETUP: A firing squad marches in with prisoners, under the direction of their leader, lines up and places a prisoner in position for execution. Others are off to the side. The leader of the firing squad gets ready...

Leader: (calls out) "Ready... Aim..."

Prisoner: (shouts) "Tornado!".

[The soldiers all run for cover and the prisoner escapes. The firing squad recovers and a second prisoner is brought out.]

Leader: (calls out) "Ready... Aim..."

Prisoner: (shouts) "Landslide!".

[The firing squad runs for cover and the prisoner escapes again. Repeat this for other natural disasters. (earthquake, hurricane, stampede) The last prisoner, obviously not very bright, is brought out, and having seen the other prisoners escape decides to do the same thing.]

Leader: "Ready... Aim..."

Prisoner: "Fire!"

[and the firing squad does.]
 

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Pencil Salesman

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CAST: 3
PROPS: pencils in a cup
SETUP: A sales manager is trying to teach a dumb salesman how to sell. The manager tells the trainee to listen to him carefully and he will teach him how to sell.

[He gives him the following instructions.]

1) Hold pencils in your hand and say, "Pencils for sale." Practice saying that.

2) Next people will ask how much they are so say, "Ten cents. Three for a quarter."

3) Then they will ask what color you have, so you tell them yellow.

4) Now they will either buy them or they won't. If do buy say, "I would appreciate that very much."

[The manager has him repeat the instructions back and leaves him on his own. The trainee is left on his own and starts calling out pencils for sale. Then another person goes rushing by and the trainee doesn't notice him and they collide falling to the ground. They have the following dialogue:]

1) The customer asks if he knows how much the suit cost and the trainee tells him ten cents, three for a quarter.

2) The customer getting mad asks the trainee what do you think I am, to which the trainee replies, "Yellow."

3) The customer really mad says, "Do you want me to punch you in the nose." To which the trainee replies, "I would appreciate that very much."

[At this point the customer beats up the trainee salesman and they leave the stage.]
 

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The Patrol Leader and the Tenderfoot

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CAST: 3
PROPS: none
SETUP: The patrol leader and 2 tenderfeet are walking through the woods on a nature hike. Tenderfoot 2 is not paying attention.

Patrol Leader: We're going to look for wildlife for your badge requirements.
(excited, pointing with hiking staff)
Look, look... Did you see it?????

Tenderfoot 2: Oh, yes! It was amazing.

Tenderfoot 1: See what??! No, no, where, where??

Patrol Leader: Oh, Tenderfoot, It was a beautiful eagle, 4 foot wing span, beautiful colors.

Tenderfoot 1: No. I didn't see it.

Patrol Leader: You'd better pay closer attention.
(They continue walking).
Oh, Look, did you see it?

Tenderfoot 2: Yes, I sure did?

Tenderfoot 1: No, what?

Patrol Leader: A spotted Owl. I wish you'd pay closer attention.
(and later)
Did you see it?? Did you see it?

Tenderfoot 2: Yes, I sure did.

Tenderfoot 1: No, I missed it... what was it?

Patrol Leader: An ooh-aah bird.

Tenderfoot 1: Ooh-aah bird. What's an ooh aah bird??

Patrol Leader: An ooh-aah bird is bird that lays a square egg, like this: Ooooooooooooohhhhh (scrunch up face)-
aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh (face lights up).
You better not miss any more.
(continue walking).

Tenderfoot 1: (Whispers to other tenderfoot)
Next time I'll fool him. I'll pretend like I saw it.

Patrol Leader: Tenderfoot, Tenderfoot did you see it! (excited)

Tenderfoot 1: Yes! I saw it, I saw it!

Patrol Leader: Then why in heaven's name did you step in it? !!!
 

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Champion Spitter

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CAST: 3
PROPS: metal bucket or can, egg/water/towel
SETUP: Mr. Kerpluk, the world renown spitter, will demonstrate several of his famous spits for the group. He could be French, German, etc. with the appropriate accent.

An assistant holds a bucket across the stage for Mr. Kerplunk to spit into. Whenever a spit is executed, assistant taps on the bottom of the bucket to create the special effect. Here are some examples of spits to use but be creative in creating your own:

1) Short Shot: He spits; sound effect comes immediately.

2) Ricochet Shot: He spits for a side wall (tree etc. if outside) and watches it bounce around before it hits the bucket.

3) Long after a long pause.

4) Fast Shot: He spits and follows the long arc with his head; sound made Shot: Sound effect is made before he spits.

5) Super Shot: Advertised as the most famous. Spends a minute getting mouth full of spit, checks bulge out and finally spits. Guy in front stands up and wipes water or raw egg from eye, or quickly puts previously wetted towel over his face, pretends to wipe himself off, and then rings out prodigious amount of water from towel.
 

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Submarine (Version 1)

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CAST: 6-8
PROPS: bucket of confetti
SETUP: Get one volunteer from the audience and the rest of the cast line up in a straight line, with the volunteer at the far end. The Captain, hat on backwards, looks through the periscope.

Captain: (Yells) "Enemy Ship!"
(This is repeated down the line to the volunteer at the end.)

Captain: (The following commands are repeated down the line)
"Fire Torpedo One!...."
"We Missed!"....
"Fire Two!"...
"We Missed!"....
"Fire Three!"....
"We Missed Again, You Blockhead"....
"Enemy Torpedo Coming our Way!"....
"We've Sprung a Leak"....]

[As the last command is repeated the next to the last person throws hidden confetti on the last person in line, the volunteer.]
 

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Submarine (Version 2)

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CAST:
PROPS: hats
SETUP: The cast is lined up in a straight line, with the torpedo operator at the far end. The Captain, hat on backwards, looks through the periscope.

Captain: (Yells) "Enemy Ship!"
(This is repeated down the line to the operator at the end.)

Captain: "Fire Torpedo One!...." (repeated down the line)

Torpedo: "I don't know how." (repeated back up-line)

Captain: "Pull the red chain, push the blue knob"
(pulls on the person's hat and pushes his chest, repeated down line, and the operator fires the torpedo)
"We Missed!"....

Captain: "Fire Two!"... (repeat above)
"We Missed!"....

Captain: "Fire Three!".... (repeat above)
"We Missed Again, You Blockhead"....

Captain: "Enemy Torpedo Coming our Way!"....
"We've been hit!"....]

[The Captain takes out a gun (hand like a fist with thumb up and first finger out) and shoots himself, falling down dead. This is repeated down the line to the last person who looks at the gun with a confused expression]

Torpedo: "I don't know how!"
 

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Thar's a Bear

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CAST: 1 leader, 4-8 volunteers
PROPS: none
SETUP: The object is to set up a bear warning system. Set up four to eight fellows standing shoulder to shoulder. The leader explains the warning system operates by having each person relaying the warning message.

Leader: "When a bear is sighted, the warning must be given out immediately, like this..."

[To the first person in line...]

Leader: "Thar's a Bar." (correct pronunciation is important)

1st Warner: "Whar?"
(be certain that he pronounces it correct; if not correct him.)

Leader: "Over Thar." (pointing with his right hand and arm extended)

A to B: "Thar's a Bar." (if he points now, correct him.)

B: "Whar?"

A: "Over Thar."
(now he should point, keeping arm extended for the rest of skit)

B - C: "Thar's a Bar."
(... and so on until the last one says it to the leader).

[Go through the same procedure with the left hand. The third time have the right leg extended, squatting down. After the last time through the ritual...]

Leader: "You guys are hopeless!"

[then pushes the guy next to him so that the rest will fall like dominoes.]
 

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Toothpaste Skit

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CAST: four or more people
PROPS: two cups of water
SETUP: The people all line up in a row in front of the audience. The first person in line has water in his cup and the last person in line has an empty cup with some water hidden in his mouth.

The skit starts with the narrator explaining this is a demonstration of how a person can brush his teeth when there is a shortage of water.

The first person takes a drink of water from his cup and proceeds to brush his teeth with his finger. After a few seconds he stops and places his head against the ear of the next person in line and that person's cheeks begin to bulge out as the first persons deflate. The second person brushes his teeth with his finger for a few seconds and then puts his mouth against the next person's ear with the same results, and so on down the line until the last person in line in reached.

When this person is finished brushing his teeth, he releases the water he has in his mouth into the cup in his hand.